single momma's need love too

Lol...
Experience numero uno- I was really great friends with a guy who was an officer in the military stationed in Alabama. He would come to visit and we would go out on dates to events, and as most single mother's would do, I did not have him around my son initially. But the one day he surprised me with a visit, my son was out of school sick. I was very interested on how the rest would play out, my son being a boy, loved his car because he had a nice gadgets in his car and a CD player even he was afraid to touch. We were outside playing soccer and as we were walking back towards the car, my son reached up and grabbed his hand. The look on this guy's face when that happened, was classic. He had never dated a single mother, and I told him from the beginning, I'm not looking for a daddy for my son, I have that part handled. But he was afraid, very afraid. I could understand his fear, but he was traditional I suppose, whatever that is nowadays, and told me, I can't handle it. I took one on the chin of course and never looked back, he did, but I didn't.
There is the occasional man who is afraid to date a single mother. I have yet to get any responses as to why, but they are for whatever reasons. We need love to. A lady I recently met is 23 and has 3 children, very beautiful lady, the way she put it is "I made mistakes in my past, and my children aren't those mistakes, but it's hard to find someone to love me and accept my children." I have dated single father's who found it hard to accept that I have a child. If you are a guy and have 5 children from 5 different women, I apologize, it would be hard for me to accept that, because the drama that could occur is not something that I want in my life. Plus, it can be hard for me to remember names sometimes.
Yet there was a lady that was in the same conversation who had 4 children and spoke about finding a very loving and accepting man. I have met couples like this myself. There are statistics out that single parent households are on the rise, and probably by the time I'm finished posting this our numbers are number 1.
This is how I explain the situation to my fearful male friends, if you were a child and your father wasn't around or your mom was divorced and he was in your life, would you want your mother to have a relationship that was fulfilling and loving and in turn you would have the same sort of relationship? There is bias towards single mothers.
I worked with a lady who was 32, had 6 kids and was pregnant with number 7, only 2 and a half-the one in her belly- were her husband's. That was a good man! My uncle once told me, to find a man, let alone a white man to accept me as a single mother, would be a very special man. Being a man of very few words unless provoked, he was right and I recognized him for saying so. Gentleman, we need love to, I'm not begging for a date. But there are plenty of women out there for you, you just may have to work a little harder to get it. What we work for in life are usually things that we appreciate and treasure more than what's handed to us. Till another post, Satori

Finding that interracial relationship

I am one to testify, that if you are interested or prefer dating interracially, it's very hard depending on your demographics. And even then depending on your personality it can be hard. So how do you find someone who you can date or get to know? I have no idea. lol. Seriously, I don't.If you go to a bar, what will you find? An inebriated person that might not remember your name and just might puke in your car. If you go to a club,do you really want to potentially marry someone you met at a club? I think the best options are online and at a get together. Go to cultural events, go to concerts, go to museums, many people say go to church, but I'm not one to corrupt a person or want someone to accept me for who I am and change their belief system.

See, the problem is people are sometimes afraid. The person may not be interested. They have a boyfriend. 20 Kids. Not your type and will never be, it's usually something. I live in the South, and many of the guys I am attracted to, it's funny, they're gay or want to keep it in the closet, which isn't cool. It's like being a diabetic in a candy store! I travel alot, but many people aren't interested in long distance relationships, I would actually take it anyway I could get it-my thoughts slipped through my fingertips sorry.
Usually the best options are online, because at least then you can get to know the person. I am all for online dating especially if your lifestyle leaves you with such an option or lack of options.. So, where do you find the person, what site? Any site, if you just look through the profiles I promise, there are many people that have the preferred ethnicity of their partner not specified, and if it is, it doesn't hurt to send out a flirt. Most people are afraid of rejection, but why? Hurt your ego? I think of it this way, it's not like he's going to bite me, eat me up, most people don't want to hurt your feelings, so they won't reply at all. Often if you approach the person in the right way in person or online, with a casual conversation, the possibilities are there.

talking to a woman..seriously

Being an online geek, I have ran across all kinds of men, and in turn ran across all kinds of conversations. A most recent conversation that a gentleman was having with himself and I was only watching.."so you like white meat?" Um, babes, that is the wrong way to talk to someone, a woman, even a person that's eating some sort of fowl. Do Not, I repeat, DO not, start any sort of conversation in that manner. If you want to start a conversation with a black woman or any ethnic woman about why she interracially dates, then ask her. But ask with some sort of common sense. We all have our days that we lack the switch that tells the Common sense gene to activate. If you want her to come hither, do like I said in a previous post, talk about something in her profile, something you want to know, something you like and see if she's interested, if she isn't then don't let your feelings get hurt and it just wasn't meant to be, or help your own ego out and say "her loss",whatever.
The all around question I mostly see is, "so, what do you like to do for fun?" Well lets see, I like to dance, write, sleep, most things that other people like to do. Ask what type of music she likes, things that matter to you in a person, mate, a friend, if she knows her good traits and bad traits. I know what I need to work on in life, if she doesn't or acts like nothing is wrong. RUN! We fail to realize that someone who takes accountability for their actions and mistakes is someone who knows that there is room for progress. Which as the human race and Americans we often forget, there is always room for progress.
Dating these days aren't the same way they were 10 years ago. Technology has changed and in turn has also changed people or we were just doomed from the beginning. Have an open mind when you approach a person, you aren't going to find all the qualities you want in a person, and if you do, More power and tell me your secret. When you want someone to accept you as you are, sometimes we forget, we have to accept the other person as well. Honesty and a sense of humor could seriously make me overlook the fact that he has an extra finger, which I would overlook anyway. One thing that I always do with a friend if mine, is we see who can find the best jokes and text them to each other, we both love to laugh, is their potential for romance, no, we already tried it. But, a great friend. If nothing else, at least you know you have a friend in the making and it's possible the other pieces will fall into place.

online dating interaction

Online dating sites are coming on up in the world. There is so much social interaction that you can do, I mean on hot or not you can now chat with people, that is really advanced considering before it was if you like me click yes or no. Wish dating was that easy!
On many sites, you can call the person, you can instant message their cell phone, there are some great sites, with quality people on them. It's just the not so great fact of getting "chiggers" while you are digging through the hay to find your needle. Don't feel bad, I have to reread my own writing sometimes.
Ladies and Gentleman, it's all about capturing the person's attention. That's what it comes down to. If you are going to click on that "IM USER" button, or "Chat now" talk about something that's in their profile. Talk about something that will make you both laugh, her blush, you blush,let those shy inhibitions go, and just be yourself. Talk about what you like, if you would love to learn how to play poker, then talk to her about it. I want to learn myself. Maybe later, if you live 300 miles apart you can go into a game room online together and have a nice little online date in a yahoo poker room. The small things matter, to us women, the small things matter more than you could ever realize. Yes, reread that again too. It's early, cut me some slack.
Think of it like this, when you are talking to someone, taking the time out of your life even if it is for just 5 seconds to make contact with a person, you want their attention. Not, "hey, so you like white guys" No crap sherlock! Talk about my interests, talk about cooking, your sibling who is about to have a baby, or even your uncle who talks to himself and the TV while he watches Chuck Norris in Walker, Texas Ranger.My motto, is "there is no point in wasting my time or yours when we aren't looking for the same thing." While we may create a great friendship, but when you ask for my measurements, you just ruined the slight chance that I would give you a glass of water in a hot desert, I'm really not that cold hearted, but I hope you get my point.
The point is, socially interact with someone, read their profile, listen to what they have to say, build rapport. Unfortunately, dating is just like being a salesman, you have to listen to the clients needs, your own needs and services, and find a solution. Whether you admit or not, the two are very similar. Later we will discuss how to build rapport, how to listen, and when to just leave it alone. Till another post. Satori

online dating headlines

There is the constant headline that I see when I am browsing through online personals, for my own benefit and for the benefit of helping writer's block. I always see the title "nice guys always finish last", while in the real world, unfortunately this is not true. Gentleman, rewrite that headline. Nothing against the nice guys, I love the nice guys, you make a brown girl blush, seriously. But that headline doesn't make the women, you are looking to attract, want to click on your profile to know more. I wish it did. I'm a nice girl, with a few streaks none violent or anything. But you should want to write something that is off the wall, off beat, that makes her say "WHAT?" Nothing dirty of course, but, how about, "let me tickle your fancy", that would make me want to click on your profile to know more, but my humor is occasionally warped and brutal. There is a friend of mine that has a profile that reads "wealthy baron seeks young princess to become his wife", I know he isn't wealthy, he is in the army over in Iraq for Christ's sake and in cammies in his picture, but that would make me laugh and especially at least take a look at his profile and want to know more. It's all about humor,
Of course, Everyone's sense of humor is different. But, the profile headline that advertises, "SWM seeking ebony princess/queen", while there are some women that are looking for that guy who is going to cater to their needs and wants. We, as women are usually looking for more substance, that substance that makes us want to sell our car or family to put money in our bank account just so we can subscribe and write you and meet the guy who is going to be the lungs that help us breathe, well that's an overstatement but you get the point. Make us want to do that, or think about it at least, and we should make you want to do that for us of course. This is just a little note, advice and information, about those headlines. Till another post

curiousity will kill the cat

This post is not going to go over well. I already know, but it needs to be addressed.
There is a notion, and I have asked many of my friends in the past 24-48 hours about this. What is it that makes a man who has never dated an ethnic or black woman want to do so or rather make really rude comments? What is it? Unfortunately, I had a guy I have been friends with for quite some time, casual conversation, business, and he went THERE!
There being, "I bet you can shake those hips! I bet you can hurt a guy with that!" While, I let him keep talking and very quickly hang himself, I kept quiet, and shockingly said to myself "Oh My! No he Did Not!" and confirming, "YES, he did!"
Should I correct his perceptions, thoughts, curiosity? Should I tell him how wrong he is for not seeing through the physical to the person he has had a business relationship with for so long? Umm, that's a negative. Why try to correct a view that unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, society has allowed to prevail for black women, asian women, and white women, and I'm beyond the point of trying to help it. No, we can't stop the ladies in the videos, the XXX videos, but just because the backside is there, doesn't mean it is my goal in life to make sure it's plastered on your TV screen, yes at one time it crossed my mind. I told you I would be honest from the beginning.
I mean come on, we have women in rap video's who have buttocks swallowing strings, running credit cards up between their butt cheeks, and making money, but there is the question, have we allowed this to happen?
Did I do or say something wrong for him to suddenly want to comment that I should be in a music video, pumping and humping air, a pole, or anything other prop- he said it more provactive than I just did? Matter of fact, my personal life had never ever came out this whole time. Personal life, meaning I interracially speak, but the interracial curiosity is present because of several notions, misconceptions, really dumb arse ideas, and for a lack of better terms misrepresentation through music, TV, movies, media, whatever you want to call it! He is no longer a business or professional associate, even though I have accepted his apologies
There is a thing called the social structure, if none of you have yet to take a racial relations/sociology class. There is an assumed hierarchy with white men at the top. White men just are NOT supposed to marry a black woman. It's taboo. It's something that you just don't do, well you aren't supposed to do, according to the BS hierarchical system as we should call it. There's you, us, them, etc etc.

For those, wondering what this is all about, it's about being careful, what you say can ruin everything. I am not saying that every man that winks, stares, or even blows you a kiss wants to dip into the berry farm. I am also NOT AT ALL saying that some women don't just want to find someone that is going to provide them with a "mutually beneficial" relationship and want to use your body and wallet while you want to explore her mind, dreams and goals. DO NOT BE mistaken about this post.

There is a big difference in being curious and being normal, sane, and letting things fall where they fall and approaching a person as a person. Being curious is the equivalent of wanting to see if your tongue will stick to the metal pole across the street after it's been 20 below all week and snow is up to your eyeballs. Being normal, sane and letting things happen with your BS radar turned on-Guys and Girls- is when you take her out to eat, have a nice conversation, don't ask each other really useless questions, and look at each other as a person, friend, and not Bunny from the music videos, she makes "bank" but many of us are not aspiring to be her protege. Use common sense darlings