I am one to testify, that if you are interested or prefer dating interracially, it's very hard depending on your demographics. And even then depending on your personality it can be hard. So how do you find someone who you can date or get to know? I have no idea. lol. Seriously, I don't.If you go to a bar, what will you find? An inebriated person that might not remember your name and just might puke in your car. If you go to a club,do you really want to potentially marry someone you met at a club? I think the best options are online and at a get together. Go to cultural events, go to concerts, go to museums, many people say go to church, but I'm not one to corrupt a person or want someone to accept me for who I am and change their belief system.
See, the problem is people are sometimes afraid. The person may not be interested. They have a boyfriend. 20 Kids. Not your type and will never be, it's usually something. I live in the South, and many of the guys I am attracted to, it's funny, they're gay or want to keep it in the closet, which isn't cool. It's like being a diabetic in a candy store! I travel alot, but many people aren't interested in long distance relationships, I would actually take it anyway I could get it-my thoughts slipped through my fingertips sorry.
Usually the best options are online, because at least then you can get to know the person. I am all for online dating especially if your lifestyle leaves you with such an option or lack of options.. So, where do you find the person, what site? Any site, if you just look through the profiles I promise, there are many people that have the preferred ethnicity of their partner not specified, and if it is, it doesn't hurt to send out a flirt. Most people are afraid of rejection, but why? Hurt your ego? I think of it this way, it's not like he's going to bite me, eat me up, most people don't want to hurt your feelings, so they won't reply at all. Often if you approach the person in the right way in person or online, with a casual conversation, the possibilities are there.
Showing posts with label talking to women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label talking to women. Show all posts
Sunday, January 28, 2007
So, why are you single?
Have you ever been talking to a friend, stranger, a potential companion and gotten the dreaded question, "So, why are you single?" I have been guilty of asking it myself,several times,well many times now that I think about it. How do you answer it? Do you blame your ex-partner? Do you blame yourself? Blame the dog? Blame her family?
But the real question is why do we actually ask it? I know myself, that I wonder "what is so bad about you that you don't have a girlfriend, wife, or whatever. What is it that you aren't telling me." I am occasionally over analytical, but I know I am so therefore I don't have to be reminded of that fault. However, that fault is my savior more than my demise.
I by far feel like every man or woman should be jointed at the hip with a mate, because that would leave less men for myself to pick and choose from, but sometimes you should ask the question. As dreadful as it may be to ask,and the long drawn out answer, you never know the answer you may get. There are always two sides to every story, and no one is perfect of course. If it's all his fault, and he just couldn't stay faithful, he wanted to party all the time, he was so this or that. Ask the person, well what did you do? Did you talk to him about it? What did he say? Why did you stay so long? I have been guilty of staying in relationships I knew were doomed. I don't like to argue and dread confrontation that I know isn't going to go over well, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be me fighting my own battle for my own cause-MY SANITY.
I found in a past relationship, that I failed to come to terms with the fact this guy had serious trust problems that really lied in his own insecurity. I just didn't know he was that insecure, but the trust problem I caught a hint of.
You never know what kind of demon, hellion, or whatever creature will come out later and scare the 'ell out of you where you sleep with one eye open.
Of course, I don't recommend starting the first conversation with this question, if you just listen or read what the person is saying, remember that "build rapport thing"-this is part of it; you will catch a hint or two that something isn't adding up or maybe all is well in the hood and they just picked a dumbarse. I will give some examples of my own experiences in a later post.
Many of us have a problem with actually listening, being analytical does come in handy, you may not realize what you are actually hearing at that time because you are seeing that nice smile, hearing their voice in your head when you should be concentrating on shaving your beard, and cupid is nipping at your heels, but later and hopefully not too late you will have an epiphany that you are kissing Lucifer's grandkid and you should run.
But the real question is why do we actually ask it? I know myself, that I wonder "what is so bad about you that you don't have a girlfriend, wife, or whatever. What is it that you aren't telling me." I am occasionally over analytical, but I know I am so therefore I don't have to be reminded of that fault. However, that fault is my savior more than my demise.
I by far feel like every man or woman should be jointed at the hip with a mate, because that would leave less men for myself to pick and choose from, but sometimes you should ask the question. As dreadful as it may be to ask,and the long drawn out answer, you never know the answer you may get. There are always two sides to every story, and no one is perfect of course. If it's all his fault, and he just couldn't stay faithful, he wanted to party all the time, he was so this or that. Ask the person, well what did you do? Did you talk to him about it? What did he say? Why did you stay so long? I have been guilty of staying in relationships I knew were doomed. I don't like to argue and dread confrontation that I know isn't going to go over well, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be me fighting my own battle for my own cause-MY SANITY.
I found in a past relationship, that I failed to come to terms with the fact this guy had serious trust problems that really lied in his own insecurity. I just didn't know he was that insecure, but the trust problem I caught a hint of.
You never know what kind of demon, hellion, or whatever creature will come out later and scare the 'ell out of you where you sleep with one eye open.
Of course, I don't recommend starting the first conversation with this question, if you just listen or read what the person is saying, remember that "build rapport thing"-this is part of it; you will catch a hint or two that something isn't adding up or maybe all is well in the hood and they just picked a dumbarse. I will give some examples of my own experiences in a later post.
Many of us have a problem with actually listening, being analytical does come in handy, you may not realize what you are actually hearing at that time because you are seeing that nice smile, hearing their voice in your head when you should be concentrating on shaving your beard, and cupid is nipping at your heels, but later and hopefully not too late you will have an epiphany that you are kissing Lucifer's grandkid and you should run.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
curiousity will kill the cat
This post is not going to go over well. I already know, but it needs to be addressed.
There is a notion, and I have asked many of my friends in the past 24-48 hours about this. What is it that makes a man who has never dated an ethnic or black woman want to do so or rather make really rude comments? What is it? Unfortunately, I had a guy I have been friends with for quite some time, casual conversation, business, and he went THERE!
There being, "I bet you can shake those hips! I bet you can hurt a guy with that!" While, I let him keep talking and very quickly hang himself, I kept quiet, and shockingly said to myself "Oh My! No he Did Not!" and confirming, "YES, he did!"
Should I correct his perceptions, thoughts, curiosity? Should I tell him how wrong he is for not seeing through the physical to the person he has had a business relationship with for so long? Umm, that's a negative. Why try to correct a view that unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, society has allowed to prevail for black women, asian women, and white women, and I'm beyond the point of trying to help it. No, we can't stop the ladies in the videos, the XXX videos, but just because the backside is there, doesn't mean it is my goal in life to make sure it's plastered on your TV screen, yes at one time it crossed my mind. I told you I would be honest from the beginning.
I mean come on, we have women in rap video's who have buttocks swallowing strings, running credit cards up between their butt cheeks, and making money, but there is the question, have we allowed this to happen?
Did I do or say something wrong for him to suddenly want to comment that I should be in a music video, pumping and humping air, a pole, or anything other prop- he said it more provactive than I just did? Matter of fact, my personal life had never ever came out this whole time. Personal life, meaning I interracially speak, but the interracial curiosity is present because of several notions, misconceptions, really dumb arse ideas, and for a lack of better terms misrepresentation through music, TV, movies, media, whatever you want to call it! He is no longer a business or professional associate, even though I have accepted his apologies
There is a thing called the social structure, if none of you have yet to take a racial relations/sociology class. There is an assumed hierarchy with white men at the top. White men just are NOT supposed to marry a black woman. It's taboo. It's something that you just don't do, well you aren't supposed to do, according to the BS hierarchical system as we should call it. There's you, us, them, etc etc.
For those, wondering what this is all about, it's about being careful, what you say can ruin everything. I am not saying that every man that winks, stares, or even blows you a kiss wants to dip into the berry farm. I am also NOT AT ALL saying that some women don't just want to find someone that is going to provide them with a "mutually beneficial" relationship and want to use your body and wallet while you want to explore her mind, dreams and goals. DO NOT BE mistaken about this post.
There is a big difference in being curious and being normal, sane, and letting things fall where they fall and approaching a person as a person. Being curious is the equivalent of wanting to see if your tongue will stick to the metal pole across the street after it's been 20 below all week and snow is up to your eyeballs. Being normal, sane and letting things happen with your BS radar turned on-Guys and Girls- is when you take her out to eat, have a nice conversation, don't ask each other really useless questions, and look at each other as a person, friend, and not Bunny from the music videos, she makes "bank" but many of us are not aspiring to be her protege. Use common sense darlings
There is a notion, and I have asked many of my friends in the past 24-48 hours about this. What is it that makes a man who has never dated an ethnic or black woman want to do so or rather make really rude comments? What is it? Unfortunately, I had a guy I have been friends with for quite some time, casual conversation, business, and he went THERE!
There being, "I bet you can shake those hips! I bet you can hurt a guy with that!" While, I let him keep talking and very quickly hang himself, I kept quiet, and shockingly said to myself "Oh My! No he Did Not!" and confirming, "YES, he did!"
Should I correct his perceptions, thoughts, curiosity? Should I tell him how wrong he is for not seeing through the physical to the person he has had a business relationship with for so long? Umm, that's a negative. Why try to correct a view that unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, society has allowed to prevail for black women, asian women, and white women, and I'm beyond the point of trying to help it. No, we can't stop the ladies in the videos, the XXX videos, but just because the backside is there, doesn't mean it is my goal in life to make sure it's plastered on your TV screen, yes at one time it crossed my mind. I told you I would be honest from the beginning.
I mean come on, we have women in rap video's who have buttocks swallowing strings, running credit cards up between their butt cheeks, and making money, but there is the question, have we allowed this to happen?
Did I do or say something wrong for him to suddenly want to comment that I should be in a music video, pumping and humping air, a pole, or anything other prop- he said it more provactive than I just did? Matter of fact, my personal life had never ever came out this whole time. Personal life, meaning I interracially speak, but the interracial curiosity is present because of several notions, misconceptions, really dumb arse ideas, and for a lack of better terms misrepresentation through music, TV, movies, media, whatever you want to call it! He is no longer a business or professional associate, even though I have accepted his apologies
There is a thing called the social structure, if none of you have yet to take a racial relations/sociology class. There is an assumed hierarchy with white men at the top. White men just are NOT supposed to marry a black woman. It's taboo. It's something that you just don't do, well you aren't supposed to do, according to the BS hierarchical system as we should call it. There's you, us, them, etc etc.
For those, wondering what this is all about, it's about being careful, what you say can ruin everything. I am not saying that every man that winks, stares, or even blows you a kiss wants to dip into the berry farm. I am also NOT AT ALL saying that some women don't just want to find someone that is going to provide them with a "mutually beneficial" relationship and want to use your body and wallet while you want to explore her mind, dreams and goals. DO NOT BE mistaken about this post.
There is a big difference in being curious and being normal, sane, and letting things fall where they fall and approaching a person as a person. Being curious is the equivalent of wanting to see if your tongue will stick to the metal pole across the street after it's been 20 below all week and snow is up to your eyeballs. Being normal, sane and letting things happen with your BS radar turned on-Guys and Girls- is when you take her out to eat, have a nice conversation, don't ask each other really useless questions, and look at each other as a person, friend, and not Bunny from the music videos, she makes "bank" but many of us are not aspiring to be her protege. Use common sense darlings
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