I have seriously had some blogger's block lately. If only there was cure for that a lot of writers/bloggers in the world would make alot of money I suppose or gain alot of readers.
A conversation that was generated when I made a statement containing the term "ethnic", don't exactly remember what I said, but a friend asked me, "is that the new term?" Not realizing that I had or have used the term so freely, it also made me take a step back and look at things from a different side. When people see me, some may say I have exotic features, yet, my skin color will quickly get me recognized as black or a woman of color. Some people are afraid to guess out loud what I am, but may recognize something out of the "norm".
There is always the "politically" correct term to use when dating someone of a different ethnicity, skin color, race, whatever you want to call it. I don't know of many people who prefer the term or even WANT to hear the term "colored" come out of anyone's mouth. And some people get angry or offended when the phrase is put into context and I just frankly suggest it not be used with the wrong person, might get more than you bargained for.
It seems that these days, "ethnic" or person of color, refers to anyone who isn't white, asian, or latino. In all honesty I think it would refer to someone with permanently tanned or dark skin, a concept that's not going anywhere anytime soon. I mean, if you are dating an asian or hispanic man/woman are you going to tell people you are dating "a person of color," universally people will automatically assume they're black, it's just a cold fact and not one I think society is willing to change at this time.
So what do you do? Let's go with what you don't do, and maybe this is just a common sense review. Do not call the person "colored." That is just a recommendation, you can do what you want. Person of color, black, and I really haven't heard the term African American lately unless I was in class, are the more common phrases and more than likely preferred. Puerto Rican or just universally Latino, Chinese or universally Asian, not all black people claim they are from Africa or prefer the term African American. Shocking? Actually it isn't if you really think about it, you may hear the comment "I'm not from Africa." My mother replies that way, I laugh when she does, because the way she says it is hilarious.
I've noticed a lot of Black people saying they're Native American. I really don't understand this. I heard a Jamaican and Irish guy say he was white. Don't understand that either and quit trying.
You are what you are, that's what I have always said. If you are bi-racial, you are biracial, claim your heritage. My heritage spans from Cuba, the U.S.-black and I do have white family members in there and not so distant. Do I explain this to every person I have a conversation with because I feel the need to assimilate into society or be recognized in some way to do so. Umm, No.
These days there isn't a "norm." Heritage, race, ethnicity spans across the globe, nation, through cultures and back and I would believe you're being politically correct if you recognize it.
Showing posts with label interracial dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interracial dating. Show all posts
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
single momma's need love too
Lol...
Experience numero uno- I was really great friends with a guy who was an officer in the military stationed in Alabama. He would come to visit and we would go out on dates to events, and as most single mother's would do, I did not have him around my son initially. But the one day he surprised me with a visit, my son was out of school sick. I was very interested on how the rest would play out, my son being a boy, loved his car because he had a nice gadgets in his car and a CD player even he was afraid to touch. We were outside playing soccer and as we were walking back towards the car, my son reached up and grabbed his hand. The look on this guy's face when that happened, was classic. He had never dated a single mother, and I told him from the beginning, I'm not looking for a daddy for my son, I have that part handled. But he was afraid, very afraid. I could understand his fear, but he was traditional I suppose, whatever that is nowadays, and told me, I can't handle it. I took one on the chin of course and never looked back, he did, but I didn't.
There is the occasional man who is afraid to date a single mother. I have yet to get any responses as to why, but they are for whatever reasons. We need love to. A lady I recently met is 23 and has 3 children, very beautiful lady, the way she put it is "I made mistakes in my past, and my children aren't those mistakes, but it's hard to find someone to love me and accept my children." I have dated single father's who found it hard to accept that I have a child. If you are a guy and have 5 children from 5 different women, I apologize, it would be hard for me to accept that, because the drama that could occur is not something that I want in my life. Plus, it can be hard for me to remember names sometimes.
Yet there was a lady that was in the same conversation who had 4 children and spoke about finding a very loving and accepting man. I have met couples like this myself. There are statistics out that single parent households are on the rise, and probably by the time I'm finished posting this our numbers are number 1.
This is how I explain the situation to my fearful male friends, if you were a child and your father wasn't around or your mom was divorced and he was in your life, would you want your mother to have a relationship that was fulfilling and loving and in turn you would have the same sort of relationship? There is bias towards single mothers.
I worked with a lady who was 32, had 6 kids and was pregnant with number 7, only 2 and a half-the one in her belly- were her husband's. That was a good man! My uncle once told me, to find a man, let alone a white man to accept me as a single mother, would be a very special man. Being a man of very few words unless provoked, he was right and I recognized him for saying so. Gentleman, we need love to, I'm not begging for a date. But there are plenty of women out there for you, you just may have to work a little harder to get it. What we work for in life are usually things that we appreciate and treasure more than what's handed to us. Till another post, Satori
Experience numero uno- I was really great friends with a guy who was an officer in the military stationed in Alabama. He would come to visit and we would go out on dates to events, and as most single mother's would do, I did not have him around my son initially. But the one day he surprised me with a visit, my son was out of school sick. I was very interested on how the rest would play out, my son being a boy, loved his car because he had a nice gadgets in his car and a CD player even he was afraid to touch. We were outside playing soccer and as we were walking back towards the car, my son reached up and grabbed his hand. The look on this guy's face when that happened, was classic. He had never dated a single mother, and I told him from the beginning, I'm not looking for a daddy for my son, I have that part handled. But he was afraid, very afraid. I could understand his fear, but he was traditional I suppose, whatever that is nowadays, and told me, I can't handle it. I took one on the chin of course and never looked back, he did, but I didn't.
There is the occasional man who is afraid to date a single mother. I have yet to get any responses as to why, but they are for whatever reasons. We need love to. A lady I recently met is 23 and has 3 children, very beautiful lady, the way she put it is "I made mistakes in my past, and my children aren't those mistakes, but it's hard to find someone to love me and accept my children." I have dated single father's who found it hard to accept that I have a child. If you are a guy and have 5 children from 5 different women, I apologize, it would be hard for me to accept that, because the drama that could occur is not something that I want in my life. Plus, it can be hard for me to remember names sometimes.
Yet there was a lady that was in the same conversation who had 4 children and spoke about finding a very loving and accepting man. I have met couples like this myself. There are statistics out that single parent households are on the rise, and probably by the time I'm finished posting this our numbers are number 1.
This is how I explain the situation to my fearful male friends, if you were a child and your father wasn't around or your mom was divorced and he was in your life, would you want your mother to have a relationship that was fulfilling and loving and in turn you would have the same sort of relationship? There is bias towards single mothers.
I worked with a lady who was 32, had 6 kids and was pregnant with number 7, only 2 and a half-the one in her belly- were her husband's. That was a good man! My uncle once told me, to find a man, let alone a white man to accept me as a single mother, would be a very special man. Being a man of very few words unless provoked, he was right and I recognized him for saying so. Gentleman, we need love to, I'm not begging for a date. But there are plenty of women out there for you, you just may have to work a little harder to get it. What we work for in life are usually things that we appreciate and treasure more than what's handed to us. Till another post, Satori
Finding that interracial relationship
I am one to testify, that if you are interested or prefer dating interracially, it's very hard depending on your demographics. And even then depending on your personality it can be hard. So how do you find someone who you can date or get to know? I have no idea. lol. Seriously, I don't.If you go to a bar, what will you find? An inebriated person that might not remember your name and just might puke in your car. If you go to a club,do you really want to potentially marry someone you met at a club? I think the best options are online and at a get together. Go to cultural events, go to concerts, go to museums, many people say go to church, but I'm not one to corrupt a person or want someone to accept me for who I am and change their belief system.
See, the problem is people are sometimes afraid. The person may not be interested. They have a boyfriend. 20 Kids. Not your type and will never be, it's usually something. I live in the South, and many of the guys I am attracted to, it's funny, they're gay or want to keep it in the closet, which isn't cool. It's like being a diabetic in a candy store! I travel alot, but many people aren't interested in long distance relationships, I would actually take it anyway I could get it-my thoughts slipped through my fingertips sorry.
Usually the best options are online, because at least then you can get to know the person. I am all for online dating especially if your lifestyle leaves you with such an option or lack of options.. So, where do you find the person, what site? Any site, if you just look through the profiles I promise, there are many people that have the preferred ethnicity of their partner not specified, and if it is, it doesn't hurt to send out a flirt. Most people are afraid of rejection, but why? Hurt your ego? I think of it this way, it's not like he's going to bite me, eat me up, most people don't want to hurt your feelings, so they won't reply at all. Often if you approach the person in the right way in person or online, with a casual conversation, the possibilities are there.
See, the problem is people are sometimes afraid. The person may not be interested. They have a boyfriend. 20 Kids. Not your type and will never be, it's usually something. I live in the South, and many of the guys I am attracted to, it's funny, they're gay or want to keep it in the closet, which isn't cool. It's like being a diabetic in a candy store! I travel alot, but many people aren't interested in long distance relationships, I would actually take it anyway I could get it-my thoughts slipped through my fingertips sorry.
Usually the best options are online, because at least then you can get to know the person. I am all for online dating especially if your lifestyle leaves you with such an option or lack of options.. So, where do you find the person, what site? Any site, if you just look through the profiles I promise, there are many people that have the preferred ethnicity of their partner not specified, and if it is, it doesn't hurt to send out a flirt. Most people are afraid of rejection, but why? Hurt your ego? I think of it this way, it's not like he's going to bite me, eat me up, most people don't want to hurt your feelings, so they won't reply at all. Often if you approach the person in the right way in person or online, with a casual conversation, the possibilities are there.
Friday, January 26, 2007
talking to a woman..seriously
Being an online geek, I have ran across all kinds of men, and in turn ran across all kinds of conversations. A most recent conversation that a gentleman was having with himself and I was only watching.."so you like white meat?" Um, babes, that is the wrong way to talk to someone, a woman, even a person that's eating some sort of fowl. Do Not, I repeat, DO not, start any sort of conversation in that manner. If you want to start a conversation with a black woman or any ethnic woman about why she interracially dates, then ask her. But ask with some sort of common sense. We all have our days that we lack the switch that tells the Common sense gene to activate. If you want her to come hither, do like I said in a previous post, talk about something in her profile, something you want to know, something you like and see if she's interested, if she isn't then don't let your feelings get hurt and it just wasn't meant to be, or help your own ego out and say "her loss",whatever.
The all around question I mostly see is, "so, what do you like to do for fun?" Well lets see, I like to dance, write, sleep, most things that other people like to do. Ask what type of music she likes, things that matter to you in a person, mate, a friend, if she knows her good traits and bad traits. I know what I need to work on in life, if she doesn't or acts like nothing is wrong. RUN! We fail to realize that someone who takes accountability for their actions and mistakes is someone who knows that there is room for progress. Which as the human race and Americans we often forget, there is always room for progress.
Dating these days aren't the same way they were 10 years ago. Technology has changed and in turn has also changed people or we were just doomed from the beginning. Have an open mind when you approach a person, you aren't going to find all the qualities you want in a person, and if you do, More power and tell me your secret. When you want someone to accept you as you are, sometimes we forget, we have to accept the other person as well. Honesty and a sense of humor could seriously make me overlook the fact that he has an extra finger, which I would overlook anyway. One thing that I always do with a friend if mine, is we see who can find the best jokes and text them to each other, we both love to laugh, is their potential for romance, no, we already tried it. But, a great friend. If nothing else, at least you know you have a friend in the making and it's possible the other pieces will fall into place.
The all around question I mostly see is, "so, what do you like to do for fun?" Well lets see, I like to dance, write, sleep, most things that other people like to do. Ask what type of music she likes, things that matter to you in a person, mate, a friend, if she knows her good traits and bad traits. I know what I need to work on in life, if she doesn't or acts like nothing is wrong. RUN! We fail to realize that someone who takes accountability for their actions and mistakes is someone who knows that there is room for progress. Which as the human race and Americans we often forget, there is always room for progress.
Dating these days aren't the same way they were 10 years ago. Technology has changed and in turn has also changed people or we were just doomed from the beginning. Have an open mind when you approach a person, you aren't going to find all the qualities you want in a person, and if you do, More power and tell me your secret. When you want someone to accept you as you are, sometimes we forget, we have to accept the other person as well. Honesty and a sense of humor could seriously make me overlook the fact that he has an extra finger, which I would overlook anyway. One thing that I always do with a friend if mine, is we see who can find the best jokes and text them to each other, we both love to laugh, is their potential for romance, no, we already tried it. But, a great friend. If nothing else, at least you know you have a friend in the making and it's possible the other pieces will fall into place.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
a great site for dating
While I am recuperating and rolling around in my own misery..
If you are single, divorced, but most of all single..or widowed..but single, no married men or seeking affair, although some women will be okay with that, check around online,Google or hoo and you will find plenty of sites available for such beneficial arrangements..
There is a really great interracial dating site that is very active, there are tons of people and like-minded people there, and alot of hot available men there as well, and women, gay, straight, bi, whatever your flavor... And its really a great community..If you are interested, then follow the links that are posted. Thanks and till another post..and yes they are aff links, muah! with all my contagious germs..
Afroromance
If you are single, divorced, but most of all single..or widowed..but single, no married men or seeking affair, although some women will be okay with that, check around online,Google or hoo and you will find plenty of sites available for such beneficial arrangements..
There is a really great interracial dating site that is very active, there are tons of people and like-minded people there, and alot of hot available men there as well, and women, gay, straight, bi, whatever your flavor... And its really a great community..If you are interested, then follow the links that are posted. Thanks and till another post..and yes they are aff links, muah! with all my contagious germs..
Afroromance
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
interracially speaking
Interracial dating, is sincerely not something that you decide that you are going to do. Dating someone of the opposite race or ethnicity, meaning a black woman dating a white man, asian man, latino man; black man dating a white woman, asian woman, latino woman; or any of the vice versas is not at all something that you consciously make a decision about. It is something that really just happens. When you "Decide", you then set yourself up for a big disappointment. You are setting yourself up with trying to weave in between the racial lines, the social lines would be the proper term. If you find someone of the opposite race attractive, you talk to them, get to know them, then things happen.
And other times, it is something that really sincerely just happens. My first "love", Mr.John, remember the other post "My first Time", it was a decision for me, because when she said his friend is white, I said, "Oh heck yea!" I didn't curse yet at that time.
During that time, I didn't exclude out any other race or ethnicity. But as time went on, it was something that just happened. Every one I meet, ask me Why do you date white men? It's me, it just happened that way. I accept it, and everyone around me accepts the fact that I interracially date. If I'm dating someone new or have a friend, no one bothers to ask, "are the black, white,what?" Well, two of my cousin's do, but they remind themselves before I even have to answer the question, not unless I pop them with a surprise, oh, he's puerto rican. Then its like "OMG"
A Great Example, and I think it's quite funny, in my parents hometown, my black girlfriends, who always had something to say or ask, now call me up, wanting me to hook them up with a white guy. I'm a great matchmaker, but no longer in the business, I need to match myself, how can I solve their problem. When you are who you are, people accept it. When you have always been "true" or real with who you are, what you do, your decisions in life good or bad, no one questions the way you walk or the way you talk. And if they did, I really wouldn't care, but this is a proper introduction to a topic I will cover tomorrow, the Fear of the Unknown. Until another post..Satori
And other times, it is something that really sincerely just happens. My first "love", Mr.John, remember the other post "My first Time", it was a decision for me, because when she said his friend is white, I said, "Oh heck yea!" I didn't curse yet at that time.
During that time, I didn't exclude out any other race or ethnicity. But as time went on, it was something that just happened. Every one I meet, ask me Why do you date white men? It's me, it just happened that way. I accept it, and everyone around me accepts the fact that I interracially date. If I'm dating someone new or have a friend, no one bothers to ask, "are the black, white,what?" Well, two of my cousin's do, but they remind themselves before I even have to answer the question, not unless I pop them with a surprise, oh, he's puerto rican. Then its like "OMG"
A Great Example, and I think it's quite funny, in my parents hometown, my black girlfriends, who always had something to say or ask, now call me up, wanting me to hook them up with a white guy. I'm a great matchmaker, but no longer in the business, I need to match myself, how can I solve their problem. When you are who you are, people accept it. When you have always been "true" or real with who you are, what you do, your decisions in life good or bad, no one questions the way you walk or the way you talk. And if they did, I really wouldn't care, but this is a proper introduction to a topic I will cover tomorrow, the Fear of the Unknown. Until another post..Satori
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
to jump into the jungle
You can't just wake up and decide that you want to jump on the jungle fever wagon and see what the hype is all about. Well you can, but I wouldn't suggest it. Because you need to be aware of everything behind it. Who you are, what you are, and why you are doing it.
If you wake up and decide you want to purchase a ticket on the interracial train,perhaps because you want to be treated right or like a queen, you think all the black guys are dogs, black women just want your money, black women have too many children, all the good black men are taken, you just don't get along with white women, you have nothing in common with the women or men you meet, whatever your reason. YOU ARE SOOO WRONG...lol, seriously you are. That nice booty, doctor, lawyer, BMW, bling blingy, saggy pants, loud music and reputation, or whatever materialistic that can disappear or physical that can go south, will sway your vote faster than you could ever realize. Maybe, you should evaluate the type of person you are dating? This post is not just for women, this ENTIRE blog is not just for women.
Same type of person but in a different form kind of thing. I had the habit of dating the same type of guy,but just physically different. And by this I mean, I dated the "thuggish" white guy, the tattooed white guy, the black guy that was in college, the guy from the trailer park, the white guy in college, the guy with a job, doesn't really matter what color. WHY NOT? Their ethnicity, I'm throwing the Latin men in there too hun, doesn't even matter because EVERY last one had a problem and so did I. Didn't matter what the problem was, it was just more than what I needed in my life. Whether it was the guy that needed saved, the guy that needed helped, the guy that needed some nurturing. The guy who played on your sympathy, the guy who wanted to ride your coattail to the corporate world. It does NOT Matter..There was a problem, and the problem was the same guy, different form,my pick, my choice, my fault. They didn't prey on me, that's not what I'm saying at all.But it took a moment to see it, to see it wasn't the guys I was dating, that in reality it was me and what I was seeing, attracted to, fairy tale, hell, even nightmares. So, I took a break from dating. To evaluate myself and all that was around me, why I was attracted to those men, to get away from them,myself, my own mind too I suppose. To reassess my standards, quality, likes, dislikes, what I needed. Will go back over this in another post! Till then.
If you wake up and decide you want to purchase a ticket on the interracial train,perhaps because you want to be treated right or like a queen, you think all the black guys are dogs, black women just want your money, black women have too many children, all the good black men are taken, you just don't get along with white women, you have nothing in common with the women or men you meet, whatever your reason. YOU ARE SOOO WRONG...lol, seriously you are. That nice booty, doctor, lawyer, BMW, bling blingy, saggy pants, loud music and reputation, or whatever materialistic that can disappear or physical that can go south, will sway your vote faster than you could ever realize. Maybe, you should evaluate the type of person you are dating? This post is not just for women, this ENTIRE blog is not just for women.
Same type of person but in a different form kind of thing. I had the habit of dating the same type of guy,but just physically different. And by this I mean, I dated the "thuggish" white guy, the tattooed white guy, the black guy that was in college, the guy from the trailer park, the white guy in college, the guy with a job, doesn't really matter what color. WHY NOT? Their ethnicity, I'm throwing the Latin men in there too hun, doesn't even matter because EVERY last one had a problem and so did I. Didn't matter what the problem was, it was just more than what I needed in my life. Whether it was the guy that needed saved, the guy that needed helped, the guy that needed some nurturing. The guy who played on your sympathy, the guy who wanted to ride your coattail to the corporate world. It does NOT Matter..There was a problem, and the problem was the same guy, different form,my pick, my choice, my fault. They didn't prey on me, that's not what I'm saying at all.But it took a moment to see it, to see it wasn't the guys I was dating, that in reality it was me and what I was seeing, attracted to, fairy tale, hell, even nightmares. So, I took a break from dating. To evaluate myself and all that was around me, why I was attracted to those men, to get away from them,myself, my own mind too I suppose. To reassess my standards, quality, likes, dislikes, what I needed. Will go back over this in another post! Till then.
curiousity will kill the cat
This post is not going to go over well. I already know, but it needs to be addressed.
There is a notion, and I have asked many of my friends in the past 24-48 hours about this. What is it that makes a man who has never dated an ethnic or black woman want to do so or rather make really rude comments? What is it? Unfortunately, I had a guy I have been friends with for quite some time, casual conversation, business, and he went THERE!
There being, "I bet you can shake those hips! I bet you can hurt a guy with that!" While, I let him keep talking and very quickly hang himself, I kept quiet, and shockingly said to myself "Oh My! No he Did Not!" and confirming, "YES, he did!"
Should I correct his perceptions, thoughts, curiosity? Should I tell him how wrong he is for not seeing through the physical to the person he has had a business relationship with for so long? Umm, that's a negative. Why try to correct a view that unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, society has allowed to prevail for black women, asian women, and white women, and I'm beyond the point of trying to help it. No, we can't stop the ladies in the videos, the XXX videos, but just because the backside is there, doesn't mean it is my goal in life to make sure it's plastered on your TV screen, yes at one time it crossed my mind. I told you I would be honest from the beginning.
I mean come on, we have women in rap video's who have buttocks swallowing strings, running credit cards up between their butt cheeks, and making money, but there is the question, have we allowed this to happen?
Did I do or say something wrong for him to suddenly want to comment that I should be in a music video, pumping and humping air, a pole, or anything other prop- he said it more provactive than I just did? Matter of fact, my personal life had never ever came out this whole time. Personal life, meaning I interracially speak, but the interracial curiosity is present because of several notions, misconceptions, really dumb arse ideas, and for a lack of better terms misrepresentation through music, TV, movies, media, whatever you want to call it! He is no longer a business or professional associate, even though I have accepted his apologies
There is a thing called the social structure, if none of you have yet to take a racial relations/sociology class. There is an assumed hierarchy with white men at the top. White men just are NOT supposed to marry a black woman. It's taboo. It's something that you just don't do, well you aren't supposed to do, according to the BS hierarchical system as we should call it. There's you, us, them, etc etc.
For those, wondering what this is all about, it's about being careful, what you say can ruin everything. I am not saying that every man that winks, stares, or even blows you a kiss wants to dip into the berry farm. I am also NOT AT ALL saying that some women don't just want to find someone that is going to provide them with a "mutually beneficial" relationship and want to use your body and wallet while you want to explore her mind, dreams and goals. DO NOT BE mistaken about this post.
There is a big difference in being curious and being normal, sane, and letting things fall where they fall and approaching a person as a person. Being curious is the equivalent of wanting to see if your tongue will stick to the metal pole across the street after it's been 20 below all week and snow is up to your eyeballs. Being normal, sane and letting things happen with your BS radar turned on-Guys and Girls- is when you take her out to eat, have a nice conversation, don't ask each other really useless questions, and look at each other as a person, friend, and not Bunny from the music videos, she makes "bank" but many of us are not aspiring to be her protege. Use common sense darlings
There is a notion, and I have asked many of my friends in the past 24-48 hours about this. What is it that makes a man who has never dated an ethnic or black woman want to do so or rather make really rude comments? What is it? Unfortunately, I had a guy I have been friends with for quite some time, casual conversation, business, and he went THERE!
There being, "I bet you can shake those hips! I bet you can hurt a guy with that!" While, I let him keep talking and very quickly hang himself, I kept quiet, and shockingly said to myself "Oh My! No he Did Not!" and confirming, "YES, he did!"
Should I correct his perceptions, thoughts, curiosity? Should I tell him how wrong he is for not seeing through the physical to the person he has had a business relationship with for so long? Umm, that's a negative. Why try to correct a view that unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, society has allowed to prevail for black women, asian women, and white women, and I'm beyond the point of trying to help it. No, we can't stop the ladies in the videos, the XXX videos, but just because the backside is there, doesn't mean it is my goal in life to make sure it's plastered on your TV screen, yes at one time it crossed my mind. I told you I would be honest from the beginning.
I mean come on, we have women in rap video's who have buttocks swallowing strings, running credit cards up between their butt cheeks, and making money, but there is the question, have we allowed this to happen?
Did I do or say something wrong for him to suddenly want to comment that I should be in a music video, pumping and humping air, a pole, or anything other prop- he said it more provactive than I just did? Matter of fact, my personal life had never ever came out this whole time. Personal life, meaning I interracially speak, but the interracial curiosity is present because of several notions, misconceptions, really dumb arse ideas, and for a lack of better terms misrepresentation through music, TV, movies, media, whatever you want to call it! He is no longer a business or professional associate, even though I have accepted his apologies
There is a thing called the social structure, if none of you have yet to take a racial relations/sociology class. There is an assumed hierarchy with white men at the top. White men just are NOT supposed to marry a black woman. It's taboo. It's something that you just don't do, well you aren't supposed to do, according to the BS hierarchical system as we should call it. There's you, us, them, etc etc.
For those, wondering what this is all about, it's about being careful, what you say can ruin everything. I am not saying that every man that winks, stares, or even blows you a kiss wants to dip into the berry farm. I am also NOT AT ALL saying that some women don't just want to find someone that is going to provide them with a "mutually beneficial" relationship and want to use your body and wallet while you want to explore her mind, dreams and goals. DO NOT BE mistaken about this post.
There is a big difference in being curious and being normal, sane, and letting things fall where they fall and approaching a person as a person. Being curious is the equivalent of wanting to see if your tongue will stick to the metal pole across the street after it's been 20 below all week and snow is up to your eyeballs. Being normal, sane and letting things happen with your BS radar turned on-Guys and Girls- is when you take her out to eat, have a nice conversation, don't ask each other really useless questions, and look at each other as a person, friend, and not Bunny from the music videos, she makes "bank" but many of us are not aspiring to be her protege. Use common sense darlings
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
love is where you find it.
It really doesn't matter, race, ethnicity, love is only where you find it or it finds you. I have not always dated the most sane guys or emotionally stable, whether black or white. But, ladies, and guys, love finds you in so many different ways, through so many different channels, people, experiences, whatever. Once you set a standard in your life and what is acceptable and not acceptable for yourself, others will adhere to those standards. Without being told. People do only what you allow them to do, treat you how you allow them to treat you. Are you or me out to change the world? Hell no..Maybe get some minds to thinking, yes...But if they don't, I am only here for the select few. A small diary, a know how, a journal, and to generate some discussion.
To say all men are dogs is quite wrong, to say black men are dogs is wrong, to say white men only want to date black women for sex or to see if it's different is just as incorrect as the first two.
Interracial dating is a choice, a conscious decision that you are aware of the possibilities, the situations, the problems, the drama, the difference, and you accept it all. I accept being different. I accept and love myself. I dislike drama. I dislike stereotypes, but in all honesty they are all across the board no matter what race, creed, background, etc. I will not dive into them. I will only dive into my experiences, where I am coming from, and what I know.
To say all men are dogs is quite wrong, to say black men are dogs is wrong, to say white men only want to date black women for sex or to see if it's different is just as incorrect as the first two.
Interracial dating is a choice, a conscious decision that you are aware of the possibilities, the situations, the problems, the drama, the difference, and you accept it all. I accept being different. I accept and love myself. I dislike drama. I dislike stereotypes, but in all honesty they are all across the board no matter what race, creed, background, etc. I will not dive into them. I will only dive into my experiences, where I am coming from, and what I know.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The Loving's
The bottom is a case that I recall studying in a sociology class I had.
In June of 1958, Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter were married in Washington, D.C. Six months after having been married, the couple was arrested, convicted of a felony, and sentenced to a year in jail. Their crime? Richard was white. Mildred was black.
The trial judge suspended the sentence for a period of 25 years on the condition that the Lovings leave the State and not return to Virginia together for 25 years. He stated in an opinion that:
"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."
The Lovings moved to Washington, D.C. (where they lived for 8 years) and appealed their conviction on the grounds that Virginia law (The Racial Integrity Law of 1924) violated their rights to equal protection of the law and due process under the Fourteenth Amendment.
Their case went through many levels of the justice system and their appeal was denied every time. On June 12, 1967, their case appeared before the United States Supreme Court. The Court decided unanimously (9-0) to strike down Virginia's laws, as well as statutes in 17 other states that still forbade interracial marriages. Finally, after nine years of struggle, the Lovings won the right to live together as husband and wife in their home state. In the words of Chief Justice Earl Warren, "Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry a person of another race resides within the individual and cannot be infringed on by the State. These convictions must be reversed. It is so ordered."
Mildred Loving is alone now-- The marriage that entered her name in law school textbooks ended in 1975 when a drunken driver broadsided the couple's car and killed her husband. She lives quietly in the small cinderblock house Loving built for her and three children after the Supreme Court decision allowed them to return to Virginia "MIXED AND MATCHED. Mildred and Richard Loving didn't want to overturn Virginia's anti-miscegenation law, they just wanted to get married."
In June of 1958, Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter were married in Washington, D.C. Six months after having been married, the couple was arrested, convicted of a felony, and sentenced to a year in jail. Their crime? Richard was white. Mildred was black.
The trial judge suspended the sentence for a period of 25 years on the condition that the Lovings leave the State and not return to Virginia together for 25 years. He stated in an opinion that:
"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."
The Lovings moved to Washington, D.C. (where they lived for 8 years) and appealed their conviction on the grounds that Virginia law (The Racial Integrity Law of 1924) violated their rights to equal protection of the law and due process under the Fourteenth Amendment.
Their case went through many levels of the justice system and their appeal was denied every time. On June 12, 1967, their case appeared before the United States Supreme Court. The Court decided unanimously (9-0) to strike down Virginia's laws, as well as statutes in 17 other states that still forbade interracial marriages. Finally, after nine years of struggle, the Lovings won the right to live together as husband and wife in their home state. In the words of Chief Justice Earl Warren, "Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry a person of another race resides within the individual and cannot be infringed on by the State. These convictions must be reversed. It is so ordered."
Mildred Loving is alone now-- The marriage that entered her name in law school textbooks ended in 1975 when a drunken driver broadsided the couple's car and killed her husband. She lives quietly in the small cinderblock house Loving built for her and three children after the Supreme Court decision allowed them to return to Virginia "MIXED AND MATCHED. Mildred and Richard Loving didn't want to overturn Virginia's anti-miscegenation law, they just wanted to get married."
Thursday, January 04, 2007
really not all that complicated
Interracial dating is really not all that complicated. White, black, latino, asian, doesn't really matter. We are all different people whether in the same ethnicity or race or different. Different backgrounds, experiences, lack of experience.
To make the choice to or rather to meet someone outside of your race that you have feelings for and decide to date, is only as complicated as you make it. People say, their life is going to be so hard. Your children are going to have such a hard time growing up. Come on now! Really. If this was 15, 20, or even 50 years ago, I would agree somewhat. But we are in times of technological advancement, cloning of people and animals, rebuilding faces and organs, yet we can't bring our minds to fathom having a white,black, or whatever person in our family. What is really going on? Like I have said once before, I am not at all telling you to accept my view. Just let it marinate. There are people who wish to know more, wish to explore some notions, and maybe they're afraid to tell their parents that they're in love with someone they believe will not be accepted.
To make the choice to or rather to meet someone outside of your race that you have feelings for and decide to date, is only as complicated as you make it. People say, their life is going to be so hard. Your children are going to have such a hard time growing up. Come on now! Really. If this was 15, 20, or even 50 years ago, I would agree somewhat. But we are in times of technological advancement, cloning of people and animals, rebuilding faces and organs, yet we can't bring our minds to fathom having a white,black, or whatever person in our family. What is really going on? Like I have said once before, I am not at all telling you to accept my view. Just let it marinate. There are people who wish to know more, wish to explore some notions, and maybe they're afraid to tell their parents that they're in love with someone they believe will not be accepted.
Monday, January 01, 2007
to speed this up
I have dated interracially for almost 12 years. At first it was for the sole purpose of the scarce creation of guys who were untarnished by my peers and friends. And now, it is an attraction. What attraction you may ask? I can't explain that. I truly can't. You may like your steak rare, and I may prefer mine well done. I am who I am. I have dated 3 black men in the past 12 years. None of them lasted too long. I have many black male friends, but the attraction is lacking for a reason I can't explain. My family accepts this, my nephew is biracial, I have cousins who are biracial. Everyone loves everyone. And if they do have a problem with it, most of us dont' care or will lose no sleep over it.
When I went back to my parent's hometown--MS/TN..Do people stare? If they do, I don't notice. And the one's that do, most of the time they smile. What they're thinking? I have no idea. Black women dating white men is starting to become a growing popularity, something that makes people do a double take. But why? We see a black man with a white woman, do we have to look once and look again to make sure we saw what we think we saw? lol, I think it's quite funny myself. Society is changing, people are evolving, minds, culture, it doesn't stop just because we choose to not think about it.
When I went back to my parent's hometown--MS/TN..Do people stare? If they do, I don't notice. And the one's that do, most of the time they smile. What they're thinking? I have no idea. Black women dating white men is starting to become a growing popularity, something that makes people do a double take. But why? We see a black man with a white woman, do we have to look once and look again to make sure we saw what we think we saw? lol, I think it's quite funny myself. Society is changing, people are evolving, minds, culture, it doesn't stop just because we choose to not think about it.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
first time continued
I was only 16, still wasn't dating. I would have killed an elephant to see John. Too bad there were none around. I was sheltered remember, mommy and daddy wouldn't let me go anywhere,mom was worse than dad. Still don't understand that, don't think they do either. So, I snuck around, set up places to see him. To be with John. Skipped school. Yea, I guess I did kill a few elephants to be with him. And I had my elephant grounded and beat down a couple of times for doing so.
lol, my first time..
When we think about interracial dating? What's the first thought that comes to mind? White man, asian descent woman? black man and white woman? What's weird to me is that most people don't even think that a white man and an asian woman in a relationship is interracial dating. Really, I dont think many people think about it. It is.
But very seldom, does the thought come to a person's mind, " White, Latino, or Asian man and a Black or even Latino woman." I am not even going to attempt to cover race relations, I am here to cover, Interracial RELATIONSHIPS.
My first time all started at the age of 16. Being from a small town, most of the black guys were dating or sleeping with all the girls (black and white) that I knew. So, why get into the same pot, why not do my own thing right? So, I was talking to my friend at the time April-who was white, and asked her to get her friend "Spud", I think was his name to set me up with one of his friends, white friend of course.
I didn't switch to the "other side" because of some bitterness against black men, just because they were scarce. I was a pretty good girl, good student, had a wild hair I didn't know how to express yet. So, I wanted to explore something others were afraid to explore, or rather no one else or not many black chicks were doing. Even then I wasn't big on conforming to societies demands. So, here he came, John P. On the phone you could have swore he was a black guy, he had curly gorgeous hair, a nice smile, blue eyes. But dammit, he was a bad boy! But, he became my first love. Dont ask why we like bad boys, I can't explain that.
But very seldom, does the thought come to a person's mind, " White, Latino, or Asian man and a Black or even Latino woman." I am not even going to attempt to cover race relations, I am here to cover, Interracial RELATIONSHIPS.
My first time all started at the age of 16. Being from a small town, most of the black guys were dating or sleeping with all the girls (black and white) that I knew. So, why get into the same pot, why not do my own thing right? So, I was talking to my friend at the time April-who was white, and asked her to get her friend "Spud", I think was his name to set me up with one of his friends, white friend of course.
I didn't switch to the "other side" because of some bitterness against black men, just because they were scarce. I was a pretty good girl, good student, had a wild hair I didn't know how to express yet. So, I wanted to explore something others were afraid to explore, or rather no one else or not many black chicks were doing. Even then I wasn't big on conforming to societies demands. So, here he came, John P. On the phone you could have swore he was a black guy, he had curly gorgeous hair, a nice smile, blue eyes. But dammit, he was a bad boy! But, he became my first love. Dont ask why we like bad boys, I can't explain that.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
My post from Dec. 17th
Recently, I was on yahoo Answers, and came across a young lady that wanted to see more blogs about interracial dating. I am an interracial dater, I will add pictures of myself later. This is a Disclaimer Right Here Right Now: For those of you who are offended by this post, there is an X at the top of your browser that you can click and you dont have to read this, but if you chose to, there is absoultely no reason for you to get your panties in a wad and want to crucify me, frankly I dont care, but leave room for those who have something constructive to ask or say..For those of you who feel that the world should be one way and not the other, then Stay that way, I am not here to change the world or Your mind. You are entitled to the way you want to live and Im entitled to mine..as are others..There isnt enough on the internet about interracial dating. About the topic in general, and I hope over a certain number of posts to address the topic in an informing way. To do that I will have to tell you some things about myself, which I was planning on not fully doing. But to inform the masses, I will do so, so to get something sometimes you have to give something. And later tonight after I think about this and get some more things done, we will start a small educational conference. I will not answer sexual questions. But I will answer reasonable questions, Im not Dr. Ruth and dont claim to be. I will answer some myths, some facts, and the reality. So enjoy! and come back to see me now ya her'
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
let's start this right!
My other blog was supposed to be parking place for this topic. But I have decided that this topic deserved its own section. It's own place, url, address,whatever. I am about to cheat and copy and paste previous posts that I have made in my other blog. And I sincerely hope that you enjoy as I explain, explore, and maybe learn some things myself that I never realized. And yes, there will be a disclaimer, be right back with that..Uno Momento
Satori
Satori
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
